March 3rd, 2011 (09:41 am)
current mood: moody
So much stuff to say that I don't know what to say.
Well, first off,
Taiwan is different
Much much different.
Guh, my brain feels like a pile of compiled squished spaghetti and brain matter mush.
I'm fatigued and sleepy, or are those words so similiar in meaning they fail to express much crammed in the same four word sentence? People here are so perverted, they think I'm innocent --- I beg to differ. Problem? I can't even say "I beg to differ" well, or even sensibly in Chinese. Well, they just joke about the innocent part, cuz you know, they don't really know. And it's mostly guys who are perverted, and I get easily embarassed. I think I've almost gotten used to it though, I can now concentrate on homework with (older junior high) guys discussing porn behind my back (literally). I feel mildy, slightly ashamed of myself for doing this for around fifteen minutes before the brilliant idea of telling them not to talk about stuff like that (this was a small study room in cram school). They at least looked sheepish. One of them was pretty cute.
Did I just say that?
Well, not cute exactly, he's nice, and the less perverted of them, and in the end actually, they helped me with my chemistry and chinese homework --- oh yeah, and math. They were smart.
One thing that bothers me is the age barrier here, like one grade makes a huge difference, since they seperate the different grades so acutely --- heck, forget different grades, forget the high school section, I barely know people in other classes (unless through cram school) since you stay with the same class of 30 people for the 3 years you're in junior high.
Another thing that bothers me to no extent is the matter of "self-conciousness", I mean I've always took pride in the fact that I'm weird, or at least a fraction out of the norm (or is this just me flattering myself?) but here I feel self-concious. Mostly just the clothes.
Easy right? I can just you know.... wear the same ugly smugly snuggly stuff I wear to school and back and not change... but I dun't wanna. for the first week I wore my uniform to cram school and all that blah --- so why not?
Now that I think about it, I'm thinking that it's maybe because of what something my friend said when I told her that I was gonna go to the God-forsaken place that God named Taiwan (neither of those statements vaguely true, but who's keeping count?), "You're gonna become so... Taiwan." Take note, that was said in a joking voice, but I think I was (and am) worried about that too, like, "I'm gonna start looking like a nerd dressed in jeans as flattering as a meatbun."
Speaking of meatbuns, I just had one for breakfast.
Well that was a slightly exagerrated version, not like meatbuns, I'll clarify here. My queer (or funky, as they like to say) sense of style was already a teensy bit queer in Canada, so nonetheless to say, it's weirder here admist the sea of hideous uniforms. I feel like I'm exagerrating a bit again though, but I don't know how else to put it. I know I'll probably fit in better if I could act more "Taiwan", but you know, I've always considered myself more Canadian (and even more American) than Chinese. What's the purpose of fitting in? Getting along with people? <----- I suppose I'd need help with that.
So what's the purpose of all this ramble?